|
jessicae429
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Jessica
Interests:
Jesus. Building 429. Politics. the ocean. music. Europe. I Love Lucy. Christian rock. Mel Gibson. Puerto Rico. gymnastics. concerts. photography. law. John Grisham. cop dramas. Switchfoot. To Kill a Mockingbird. shopping. singing. Jeremy Camp. my wonderful wonderful friends. Starbucks. Phil Collins. and alot of other stuff I'm too lazy to list!
Expertise: Building 429
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  jessicae429
MSN: jessica_erin04@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  jessicae_429
Member Since:
9/26/2004
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| So
I walked into Walgreens yesterday for the first time in a while.
Honestly, I really have no need to go there, other than to say hi to my
former co-workers (unless it's midnight and I need pictures
developed....which is not as uncommon as you might think!). So I'm
talking to Irene and she asks me if I heard about Storno.
Mr.
Storno was a manager at our store when I first started working there.
Before he transferred to the Sunshine location, he was one of my favorite
people to work with. He was only about 4 years older than me, so we had
more in common, and he had the best personality; it was like he was in
a chronic good mood. He pretty much showed me the ropes around the
store, and always took up for me when another manager would pick on me
(even though he picked on me quite a bit himself....haha)....just an
all-around good guy. I don't know of a single person who just really
didn't like him.
So I'm assuming that he became a store manager or transferred somewhere far away.....or quit.....who knows.
He's dead.
I'm
kind of in shock....like I want to cry, but it just doesn't feel real
yet. It seems like I could walk into Walgreens on Sunshine and he'd
still be there. I don't know. It's not like he was some major person in
my life (if he had been, I probably would have known about his death a
little sooner than a month after the fact), but still....still. I don't
know. I don't even know what the purpose of writing this is, except to
get it out...I've told a couple people, but I can't really talk about
it at home, because Jen just tells me to shut up and get over it......
I probably should.
And I will.
But not today.
| | |
| 1) I'm bored.
2) I hate when people are fighting
3) Angels and Demons is the first fiction book I've successfully finished reading since jr. high
4)......and I loved it.
5) The management at my apartment complex is pissing me off.
6) I have to read the Communist Manifesto for Soc. Theory.....tonight. Blah.
7) I miss Nick.
8) And my home church. So freaking much.
9)But I'm glad I didn't end up with the summer internship there.
10) Because then I would end up missing Nick a lot more......
11) I love Jesus. More than life.
12) Life is grand.
13) I'm bored.
| | |
| I haven't Xanga-ed in six months....I don't even know why I'm writing this here....except that no one really reads this anymore.......
People seem to think I've changed, and not necessarily for the better...more than that, I know, they think someone else has changed me. Honestly, though, I don't see myself as being that much different from myself this time last year... at least inwardly.
The only difference I know is that I've been working on being a more open person; a close friend of mine told me that over the years he's known me, I've become more and more guarded...and I don't want that. At all.
I kept up the
"super-perfect Christian" facade for YEARS...until I realized how
uncomfortable it makes people....how much it turned them away. People I
associate with actually felt like they had to censor themselves around
me, and that hurts. They know I'm not judgemental, but I know I've come across like I never struggle with anything (which, due to my being "guarded" was admittedly not always unintentional)...and how can anyone relate to that?
So I've taken off the mask, so to speak. All my friends think I'm changing for the worse...when really, this is how I am when I'm alone, and how I've always been for the most part; I'm just trying to be more open about my struggles and dealing with them. By the grace of God, I'm getting better, and He is patiently teaching me new things day by day. Baring my soul before the world may cause some of my Christian friends to turn their heads from the ugliness of the sight sometimes....but if it also is transparent enough to glorify God while He helps in building my faith and my strength....if it allows the lost to see that Christians are a work in progress...then it's worth it. I've always said that God is glorified through our struggles, not in spite of them. So why am I stealing His glory by hiding my sins and acting like they don't exist? I'm not going to broadcast them to the world, but playing "super-Christian" is only hurting me and those I'm trying to reach.
I'm not relishing in my imperfections. I despise them. But I won't hide them.
| | |
| So
it was an interesting evening to say the least. Sommer and John and I
went to Cracker Barrel (yum) and decided to go to a movie. So after
watching The 40-Year Old Virgin, we went home.....well, we tried at
least. We got from the Palace to Empire Bank before.....we ran out of
gas.Um, I'm not kidding. Does this look like a kidding face to you?? 
No, I wasn't driving!!! Jeez, people! Haha...So Kayla came to the
rescue (YAY for Kayla!!) and she and Sommer went to the gas station to
fill up a gas can while John and I listened to Led Zeppelin and
froze our toes.
I thought it was hilarious, actually. 
| | |
| I think God winked at me today.
No, seriously. He just sent me down a great big hug, said, "Yep,
Jessica, that one was for you....did you like it?"....and then winked,
because He knew I did. I live for those moments; they are rare, but
incredibly beautiful.
And perhaps the greatest thing about
those moments is that they probably mean virtually nothing to anyone
but God and me, like we have this sort of divine secret that He
whispers in my ear at the most surprising times.
Today, He picked my health class.
I was sitting in my chair in the lecture hall, dutifully copying notes
for next week's final. I tend to write rather quickly (although barely
legibly, as well!) and while the rest of the class was finishing, my
teacher walked toward me and read the front of my shirt, which happened
to read, "Which girl does Jesus love?"
Then he looked me in
the eye, and quietly murmured, "All of them." He raised his eyebrow
questioningly and smiled at me, and I smiled and nodded in return.
I know it seems like nothing, but I felt flushed with a substantial
amount of true, bubbly joy. The gleaming white pillars of academia
often seem so sterile and lifeless...as if finding someone who will
affirm any sort of belief in anything other than ten-page papers,
manila envelopes, and dusty textbooks is like trying to find love on
the internet: it rarely happens, and when it does, you're never quite
sure if it's real or not.
Well, I found it today....the
affirmation, I mean. And maybe it wasn't real...but it really doesn't
matter. I still got my hug from God, and He always affirms me, with a
wink to top it off.  | | |
|
